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Brief Thoughts on Silly New Movies

May 25, 2010

One of the best parts of going to the theater in the late spring is seeing trailers for the new summer movies. While a certain level of polite respect is expected during the movies themselves, no such sense of decorum prevails during previews. Snickering, groaning, running commentary, flatulence–it’s all fair game during the trailers. Here’s a sampling of some of the best:

I knew a new Karate Kid movie starring Will Smith’s son and Jackie Chan was coming out, but it just sounded like another redundant remake. That is, until I saw the trailer. Following the same general plotline as the 1984 original–undersized street kid with a heart of gold moves to a wealthier neighborhood full of nasty little blackbelts–the update replaces the origin city of Newark, New Jersey, with Detroit, and the destination of the San Fernando Valley with Beijing. How’s that for up-to-the-minute cultural allegory? Just in case you miss the symbolism, the trailer tracks across what looks like a clone army of orange-clad kung fu-fighting tykes, stomping in unison like the percussionist brigades at the 2008 Olympic opening ceremonies. I heard Jaden Smith even accuses Jackie Chan of currency manipulation.

I saw the next trailer before A Prophet, which is such an odd pairing that one of the people I was with openly questioned whether we were in the right theater. If Jonah Hex is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Hex stars Josh Brolin as a Western dude whose face is disfigured by John Malkovich, and then acquires supernatural powers, like the ability to talk like Kurt Russell in Tombstone. Hex of course wants revenge, but first he has to get a bunch of guns that won’t be invented for several decades from Lance Reddick. If that doesn’t sound crappy enough, Megan Fox is in it. But please watch the trailer. It looks like the closest thing to a non-intentional Hollywood blockbuster parody since Kevin Smith’s Cop Out (which I still suspect was hatched by the writers of 30 Rock as a fake vehicle for Tracy Jordan).

And then there’s this. I’ve seen commercials or trailers for this movie about 50 times since January, and I still have no idea what it’s about.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Freddy permalink
    June 3, 2010 3:53 am

    So I noticed that you didn’t mention Sex and the City 2 – is this because it doesn’t count as a summer blockbuster or because it doesn’t qualify as standard material for review by myownworstcritic? I thought it would at least be good fodder for a commentary on self-absorbed manhattanites

  2. June 3, 2010 4:03 am

    That’s because I hadn’t seen a trailer or commercial for it–apparently I’m not going to enough Katherine Heigl movies or watching enough of The View.

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