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Thoughts on the Oscars

February 26, 2007
  • Guillermo del Toro is the Mexican Peter Jackson. From the beard to the glasses to the paunch, he looks like him. And like Jackson, he started out making fun, unpretentious visually bizarre movies that critics didn’t pay much attention to. Eventually someone will entrust him to direct a fantasy blockbuster. The Hobbit, perhaps?
  • Does anyone in Hollywood speak English any more?
  • I knew Alan Arkin was going to upset Eddie Murphy. You can’t be a self-absorbed jerk for 25 years and expect your fellow actors are going to give you an Oscar. I’m surprised he didn’t get up and leave after he didn’t win.
  • That silhouette dancing troupe is pretty cool. I loved the penguins. And how the hell did the do Snakes on a Plane?
  • Too bad that Children of Men didn’t win for cinematography, but I haven’t seen Pan’s Labyrinth yet, so I can’t say it was robbed. But it’s hard to imagine that PL was better.
  • Good bit with Gore and Leo. Let’s just hope Al doesn’t get any ideas.
  • Will Jennifer Hudson ever do anything of note again? Let’s shake the magic ball: “Prospects are bleak.” One more shake: “I predict a part in a Tyler Perry movie.”
  • As anyone who’s seen her in A Prairie Home Companion knows, Meryl Streep is a marvelous improviser. The way she immediately slipped into character as Miranda Priestley during the Anne Hathaway-Emily Blunt presentation was hilarious.
  • I HAVE to see West Bank Story. What a clever idea.
  • Am I the only one who thought William Monaghan’s script for The Departed was in need of some judicious editing?
  • Ellen DeGeneres was a bit bland at first but I liked the way she stayed true to her populist persona, with unscripted interviews in the aisles and staged spontaneous backstage moments.
  • Jack Nicholson is bald and overweight. I don’t have anything else to say about that.
  • Great mini-speech by Gore during the An Inconvenient Truth win. “It’s not a political issue, it’s a moral issue.” Why couldn’t he come up with soundbites like that during the 2000 debates?
  • The great thing about Clint Eastwood is that he doesn’t give a fuck.
  • I think it’s wonderful that Sherry Lansing has dedicated so much time and money to cancer charities but it strikes me that cancer research is a cause of the rich. I would imagine that the cost per life saved by cancer research is hundreds of time more expensive than proven lifesavers of the poor, like mosquito nets (to prevent malaria) and polio vaccination. But rich people tend not to die from malaria or polio.
  • It’s 11:06 and they haven’t given out any of the big five awards yet. Why do they even pretend that the Oscars end at 11:30? Why don’t they just start them at 7 and end at 11? You could do the red carpet at 6, which would bring in viewers earlier and prevent bedtime attrition after 11, especially in years, like this one, when nobody cares who wins Best Picture.
  • How is Borat an adapted screenplay if it was completely invented by Sacha Baron Cohen and his writers while Letters from Iwo Jima was an original screenplay even though it was based on a collection of letters from General Kuribayashi?
  • Little Miss Sunshine just won an Oscar for best screenplay. Shoot me now.
  • I used to like Chris Connelly. Now I realize he is a douchebag.
  • Not to beat a dead horse, but how did Little Miss Sunshine become an Academy favorite? The Academy has a historic blind spot when it comes to comedy, but suddenly sees the light with a movie as cliched and artificial as Little Miss Sunshine. I don’t get it. Why haven’t you shot me yet?!?
  • I never noticed before, but Jerry Seinfeld copped quite a few mannerisms from Johnny Carson.
  • I just checked my email and there was an email from a local liquor store that sometimes has scotch tastings. I’ve received several of these. They’re from Steve Kerr, general manager of Warehouse Wine & Spirits. Proof that Kerr was nothing without Jordan.
  • Oh there’s Ellen. Welcome back.
  • Tom Cruise has been nominated for three Oscars, but Stanley Tucci, John Goodman, Danny Glover and Brian Cox have been nominated for none?
  • In other Oscars trivia, Randy Quaid has been nominated for an Oscar but Dennis Quaid has not. Extra points if you can figure out what movie Randy was nominated for. Hint: it doesn’t star Chevy Chase.
  • The Departed won for editing over Children of Men and United 93. Must be a mistake. I wonder if it indicates who’s going to win best picture. Hmmm…
  • In Memoriam recap in under 15 words: Robert Altman got the most applause, as expected. Who knew Jack Warden died?
  • Andie McDowell was just in a L’Oreal commercial. Does she still act? If not, what qualifies her to do makeup commercials?
  • Is Philip Seymour Hoffman going for dreads?
  • Man, that Helen Mirren’s got class and poise. Although she used the subjunctive incorrectly. But all is forgiven considering she’s the first 62-year-old woman I’ve had sexual thoughts about.
  • Reese Witherspoon is so cute I want to put her in my pocket. And then have sex with her.
  • I love that Forest Whitaker is so shy.
  • Good for Marty. I just wish he had won for one of the 13 better films he directed.
  • Isn’t the award speech that follows the Oscar for best picture the most anti-climactic moment in entertainment? The speech is always given by some unrecognizable, uncharismatic producer, and he or she never cries.
10 Comments leave one →
  1. Brad Glaser permalink
    February 26, 2007 4:26 pm

    While I know Eddie Murphy is known as prickly, the very genuine laugh he got during the intro film demonstrates that he isn’t hated.

    I’m actually just watching now on DVR (to allow for fast-forwarding,) so I may have other thoughts to share today.

  2. Brad Glaser permalink
    February 26, 2007 4:59 pm

    While I like brunettes, I prefer Cameron Diaz as a blonde. Oh, and I’d prefer if she just shut up.

  3. Brad Glaser permalink
    February 26, 2007 5:19 pm

    What I said about Diaz not talking, yeah, that goes double for Paltrow. And she’s not nearly as good to look at.

  4. February 26, 2007 6:22 pm

    Answer to the trivia question:

    The Last Detail, which starred Jack Nicholson before he shaved his head in solidarity with Britney.

  5. February 26, 2007 6:24 pm

    As for Eddie Murphy, he got a laugh because he’s funny. No one denies that. His peers are just not willing to see him get awards for his talent. The same way baseball writers appreciate Barry Bonds’ play but don’t want him in the Hall of Fame. Which raises the question: did Eddie Murphy take performance-enhancing drugs to bulk up for Norbit?

  6. bro permalink
    February 26, 2007 8:00 pm

    what is the appeal of watching the oscars? I havent seen them in years, and I havent missed anything. The awards themselves are much more a popularity contest than a reliable guage of quality, and even if you are curious to see who wins, why bother watching four hours of tedium to find out results you can see within five minutes of show’s end online? The hosts are usually lame, the skits are unwatchable, and nobody’s drunk. And if somebody does make a complete ass of themselves, you wont miss it because audio clips will be played ad nauseum on the next day’s morning radio programs, to say nothing of youtube and all the Entertainment Tonight clones.

    P.S. what’s with the times listed for these comments? I’m pretty sure we’re not all writing in the middle of that Atlantic Ocean

  7. February 26, 2007 8:04 pm

    You watch the Oscars for the same reason you watch reality shows: to make fun of everyone.

  8. Brad Glaser permalink
    February 27, 2007 12:14 am

    A few thoughts:

    I thought Ellen did a nice job, middle of the road, inoffensive, with a few genuine chuckle-inducing moments; well suited to the Oscar telecast. I am sorta pissed that I will not be the first person born in Metairie, LA to host the Oscars now.

    The silhouette thing was very cool!

    Glad they didn’t get silly with the best song nominees.

    Mark Wahlberg will not be doing any improvisational theater in the near future.

    To one of your points: If Borat is considered “adapted,” are all sequels automatically considered “adapted?” If not, this determination makes little sense.

    Clooney is now cooler than Nicholson. Clint is cooler than both.

  9. bren permalink
    February 28, 2007 1:55 pm

    Few thoughts about the Oscars which I didn’t watch–except for seeing the Memorial part and Best Supporting Actress
    – So I heard that people were glowing about how great Jennifer Hudson looked and how she lost weight—WHOA!! That doesn’t make me want to watch Dreamgirls any more.
    – Haven’t seen Little Miss Sunshine nor do I know whether it sucks or not, but I’m pumped that Alan Arkin won.. who doesn’t like that guy? Though Wahlberg not winning made it bittersweet
    – For all the flaws the Departed may or may not have, it was by far my favorite fim of the year not called Borat
    – Just wondering whose death hit your heartstrings the most during the memorial? Jack Warden definitely was it for me, though it would have been nice to see him in a clip from Dirty Work IT RHYMES WITH COCK!!! Gets me moist just thinking about it…
    – Good that there’s no more talk about black men can’t win best actor anymore, what’s that now, 3 out of the past 4 years? Are they going to take over acting like they did basketball?

  10. August 26, 2007 7:15 am

    Pretty Interesting.

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